Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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