If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
