I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
