not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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