Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
