It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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