I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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