We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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