They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
