Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
