Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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