If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
