see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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