I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
