24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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