I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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