I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
