Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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