My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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