Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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