he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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