yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
