He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
