Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
