"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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