The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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