i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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