Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
