My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
