so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
