I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
