girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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