the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
