When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
