but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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