My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
