I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
