dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
