I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I lost the right to judge tonight
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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