all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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