Banned from zoo.
Again?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
