The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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