Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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