You just made me feel so damn special
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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