if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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