I'm really into asian looking animals
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i think i have herpe
just one?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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