atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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