No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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