The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
