Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
