I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
