Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
