Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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