I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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