It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
