i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
