My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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